I'm Calling it a Come Back!

One of the goals I have listed on my 101 in 1001 is to start running once a week to try and love it again.  There was a point a little over a year ago where I just completely lost my love of putting my feet to the pavement and at the time I was at a loss as to why.  Prior to that I have always looked forward to the end of my work day knowing that my next half hour would be spent in the comfort of my own headspace where I could retreat and think of nothing but my breathing and the sound of my own heartbeat. I would occasionally sprinkle in a road race or two just for fun and to interact with other runners but I never took my running as anything but a fun hobby.  It was never a question of having to log miles or run faster it was simply what I did to unwind and de-clutter my brain.  For obvious reasons my consistent exercise had a positive impact on my body and my energy level and people noticed and asked.  I never had any problem talking about what I was doing and when asked I didn’t mind helping others get started. 

It’s only now in looking back that I realized what the something was that changed; it was like by sharing what I was doing I left my inner sanctum unprotected and all this negativity came rushing in.  All of a sudden there was this pressure and these expectations and I let what other people thought of my hobby take the joy out of it.  I started getting questioned on why my times weren’t better and why did I only run 5 and 10k’s – where were my half marathons and marathons, and how could I possible be satisfied finishing in the lower to middle part of the pack – didn’t I want to be better?  These are questions I had never thought of; to me the satisfaction of running came simply through the act running. I had never thought to grade the quality or quantity of my runs but for some reason everyone else did and made sure that I was aware of just how disappointing my running was to them. 

I let them get under my skin. 

I stopped running. 

In late February I got an email from the directors of a race I have run several times in the past.  It had previously been my season opener and it was always dicey.  Running in mid-March in New England is always a crap shoot.  I signed up.  The last time I ran any kind of distance was April 16, 2012 and it was a 5-miler.  I can’t believe I signed up.  I pulled my running shoes out of my closet the Thursday before the race and went running.  It was an ugly run but I’m glad I did it. 

The race was the Sunday before St Patrick's day and I’m glad I signed up for it.
I hit the two mile mark and remembered why I started running in the first place. 

I think I can fall in love again and I now know that I will not let anyone else’s ideas or opinions take love out of my life again.

Here's to all the comebacks in your life!

~Leah